Saturday, May 5, 2012

Dust it Off Blog Hop: day 2

Today we are supposed to share an excerpt from our old, all-but-forgotten manuscript. In case you missed day one, mine is a middle grade novel called Elizabeth and the Fairies. It was finished, revised once, but never sent out. Some days I think about working on it again, but it needs a LOT of work.

One of the things I did love about it was Penelope, a fairy that helps Elizabeth and Fiona on their quest to save Fiona's sister, the future (if they have anything to say about it) Fairy Queen. So I decided to share the scene where we meet Penelope. :)


                The sun was beginning to set when they finally spotted the fairy village. There were a dozen or so little houses all crowded together in a small clearing. They were built of out of pebbles, with moss roofs. Some had little, round, open windows and bark doors. Elizabeth had never seen anything like it.

                Gabriel hopped up to one of the houses on the edge of the village. Standing in the doorway was a delicate little fairy with curly red hair. She had pale skin and a few freckles splashed across her cheeks. She wore a simple brown dress and her feet were bare, but she had tiny yellow flower behind one ear. Her wings were a lovely pale blue that matched her eyes, which were twinkling with mirth.

                “I’ve been waiting for you all afternoon,” she said with a huge smile on her face. “I’ve been pacing by the window, back and forth, watching for Gabriel’s big floppy ears.” She stepped forward and scratched the rabbit under his chin and he nuzzled into her.

                “What took you so long? Come in, come in!” She talked very quickly and seemed to be bubbling over with excitement.

                “How did you know we were coming?” Fiona asked.

                “Well the flowers were whispering about it, of course, but it’s so hard to get any real information out of them. The way they gossip and giggle all day, it’s shameful really. Trees are much more reliable, but it’s hard to get two words out of them. So finally I had one of the bluebirds fly off to find out for me. He confirmed it. He said you were coming, and that you had a little human girl with you. Hello little human girl!” She threw Elizabeth a wave and a smile. “Where are my manners? I’m so sorry. My name is Penelope. It’s very nice to meet you.”

                “I’m Elizabeth. It’s nice meeting you, too.” The words stumbled awkwardly out of her mouth.

                “Well come on now, what are you waiting for? Come in. I’ve got supper all ready.”

19 comments:

  1. Love the lines about the flowers being all gossipy and giggley and trees being reliable.

    Penelope's character really comes across well.

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  2. Thanks. That's the line I like, too. That's part of why I used this bit. :)

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  3. Suzi's was my favorite too! This is so cute, Penelope seems like a great character. I hope you revive this story and give it another shot, it sounds adorable. :D

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  4. I agree with Cortney. This sounds so sweet.

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  5. This is just too cute to remain dusty! I hope you can find time to revive it!

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  6. I loved the whispering flowers part. So enchanting and sweet! I want to read more!

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  7. Love the descriptions and the dialogue. I felt like I was right there in the fairy village. You really have something here.

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  8. I agree with everybody the line about the flowers whispering and the trees being reliable is great. I instantly envisioned this magical world full of giggling flowers and stoic trees. I can't believe this is shelved especially since agents are always saying how much they want middle grade novels. I really hope you dust this off completely and give it another shot.

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  9. You guys are so sweet! Thanks so much. :) Some day I hope to give it the revisions it needs and find a way to make it work. :)

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  10. That was great - why did you stop working on it?

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  11. That's such a great excerpt. The imagery and dialogue are fabulous. Are you sure this one should stay dusty? ;)

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  12. Great world-building. Like the others, loved to know about the flowers and the trees ... it makes me wonder whatelse is "magical" in this world.
    Great excerpt!

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  13. This is great! I love how she talks to the flowers and the birds.

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  14. Love love love fairy stories! This was fun to read :)

    Andrea

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  15. Thanks you guys. You are too kind. (Seriously.) I will be posting tomorrow some of the many reason this one was left to get dusty. Although I do hope to be able to fix it up again some day. :)

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  16. Awww. I like Penelope too! :) Very well done.

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  17. I love Penelope as well! She's so sweet. I also love your description of the house. So delicate yet firm. Great job :)

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  18. Aww, this was adorable and charming. I loved how your described Penelope and the fairy village.

    I especially liked this part: "Well the flowers were whispering about it, of course, but it’s so hard to get any real information out of them. The way they gossip and giggle all day, it’s shameful really. Trees are much more reliable, but it’s hard to get two words out of them. So finally I had one of the bluebirds fly off to find out for me. He confirmed it. He said you were coming ... "

    I read this, and was just nodding, thinking yes, that's what flowers and trees are like. Beautifully written.

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